What's Your Why?

I was recently reminded of the "why" I got into education.  Well, actually I got into education, because back in 1988, nursing and teaching were the only fields anyone talked about for women and I knew I did NOT want to wear scrubs everyday. It might have also been because my sophomore English teacher, Nita Jackson, was always so classy looking. She had the most beautiful wardrobe. Whatever the reason that got me started, I have stayed in a field that has meant so much to me for so many years. So, maybe I should have started with, "I was recently reminded of the "why" I stay in education. Everyone's "why" changes as life experiences happen and after having Allison my "why" definitely evolved. As I visited with kids through the years, I always talked to them the way I would have wanted Allison talked to and when speaking to parents, I spoke to them the way I would have wanted to have been spoken to myself. I BELIEVED I did those things, but until recently I never had it confirmed.  A couple weeks ago, I received the sweetest text message from a mother. A mother who I say hi to when I see her, but have never really known that well.  She reminded me of something I did when her daughter, who's now a sophomore in high school, was a fourth grader at Carver. I had forgotten most of what she was texting about, but as I continued reading the text, it was apparent that her memory was crystal clear.  Her message mentioned that when she and her husband had divorced, her daughter was "so sad" and "needed to be with her friends". She shared with me details of the phone call she and I had those many years ago. It was a heartfelt message, but the words that brought me to tears were, "You didn't do that for ME. You did that for a sad 4th grader watching her parents divorce and she needed friends/support at school". She was right. I made my decision based on what was best for that little 9-year-old girl and her mother had never forgotten it. Parents remember how they were made to feel and how they were treated. 

As a parent of a high school senior,  meaningful acts still matter to me in that capacity also. Allison's assistant basketball coach, Coach Hixson, has coached her since eighth grade, so he knows her well. There have been two occasions through the past 5 years that he has sent messages to me as a parent. The messages were words I needed to hear at those moments and the gesture and the words he spoke meant more than I could even convey to him. Parents remember how they were made to feel and how they were treated. 

We, as educators, often get caught up in all the activities taking place on a daily basis and we take for granted how meaningful our actions are for those involved.  Another story recently shared with me was from a mother of a second grader. Two years ago, he was in kindergarten and he cried every single day when she dropped him off at school. I had to talk to him and coerce him away from her and I never minded once. Why? Because I would have wanted someone to have been kind to my daughter if she had been the little 5-year-old struggling to come into school. His mother let me know how much she appreciated that act. On a side note, her 18-year-old son stopped by a couple months ago.  He also went through Carver as a young boy.  I assumed he was there to pick up his little brother so I asked him if he had stayed to tutor. He said, "No." I asked him what he was doing at Carver and he replied, "I just came by to say hi to you." Kids remember how they were made to feel and how they were treated. 

I'm sure others would question me on why I don't rush the parent away who sits with her young child every morning, until the teacher makes her appearance, reassuring the little one that it's ok to come to class. I'm sure there are some who would never have allowed  a mother, who was raised in another culture, to stay all morning, just to make sure her only child who was attending his first day of school, was ok. Not only did I allow her to wait on him, she and I had some nice conversations where I found out she had taught young children in her native country. She just needed to make sure her little boy was ok. Who was I to challenge how she had been raised and what her culture believed about education. She was hurting no one sitting in a chair in the office. Parents remember how they were made to feel and how they were treated. 

Those who know me, know how much I have come to appreciate Twitter.  I love how it has made a large, educational world seem so small.  As I was checking it recently, I saw a post that said, Be kind to others. Share an act of kindness. Your act might be someone's memory of a lifetime. That goes nicely with what I am trying to say and it made me think about my own personal memories of a lifetime with the educator's I had. My own fourth grade teacher and I are friends on facebook.  I've mentioned her before. She's the one who brought back a piece of tar from Southfork Ranch in Texas. The show Dallas should ring a bell. I still have it and I still have such sweet memories of fourth grade. The Applegate kids always got their teacher's a small gift at Christmas. We didn't have much money so I doubt the gifts were of much value, but Mrs. Turner wrote a thank you note for each one of them that I still have today.  I'm pretty sure I could pick out her handwriting if I had to. It's been almost 40 years and I still have those letters (and that piece of tar).  Her actions, during that long ago school year, have lasted a lifetime.  Kids remember how they were made to feel and how they were treated. 

When Allison was at Sonshine Preschool she left a hairbow. Yes a hairbow.  Little did I know then  that she would "leave" several items in places through the years.  I'm sure it was from Gymboree so I, of course, had to return to get it. Teresa Jennings, or Miss Teresa back then, worked there at the time and she was the first person I saw when I went to get it.  She wasn't Allison's teacher, but she went and dug through a tub of lost and found for me anyway to find it. I'm sure she thought I was a crazy parent for caring that much about a hair bow, but she didn't make me feel that way.   Parents remember how they were made to feel and how they were treated. 

I'm sure every educator has similar stories and every parent does as well. It's the little day to day decisions and actions that we take for granted or don't even realize we are doing that make a difference.  I can't think of another profession where you can build those kind of relationships with kids and parents.  We DO make a difference.  Would the kids I mentioned have had different feelings about school if I had changed how I treated them? Would their parents have changed how they dealt with educators? Would  I have the kind things to say about Allison's coach if he hadn't shown me that he cared about her? Did the high school student go out of his way to stop by and say hi to any other former principal? I'm not friends with all of my former teachers, but I am with several and it's because they created memories of a lifetime for me. So ask yourself, if you are conciously thinking about how you answer kids and how you treat them and their parents as well.  They remember. I remember. While, Mrs. Jackson's classiness as a teacher (and her red high heels) might have been a part of the "why" I got into education, the kids and the families are why I stay. So take a minute to think about the "why" you got into education, or more importantly, the "why" you stay in education.